Tuesday, March 18, 2008 bed!!

Only three more days until Depressionista and I get to go see Lesley and the LYs
I am so excited!! I mean how could you not be excited to see this woman in concert!!!

bedroom toys

So--can I be a high class prostitute for politicians too??

ok...So I am being pathetic with these quizzes. I think I have hit the Jackpot on finding the "lazy man's blog" tools.

The sad thing is it is only Tuesday and I feel like I have already worked a full week!

Funny thing my kid did this week: I was helping my son get dressed quick this morning. Granted, I stopped in the middle of getting dressed myself to help him so I was in my bra and undies. I get him all dressed and I asked him for a hug. He looks at me in disgust and says "Um, no, Mom, I'll give you a hug after you put your clothes on". Guess I have to start having better boundaries myself!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Good to know..

I thought this was an interesting little quiz:

$4225.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Don't Point that Coat at me!!

Today, my six year old son, a kindergartner mind you, was sent to the principal's office again. He got one of those lovely behavioral modification sheets sent home with him. His father and I are still trying to process the reason why. Apparently, he was "pretending his coat was a gun". And when his teacher asked him about it, he lied. But he admitted it to the it to the classroom assistant.

Ok...I understand the fears around guns in schools and maybe redirecting him immediately in the classroom when this happens. I would understand it more maybe if he was say in 4th or 5th grade and he was pretending something was a gun and he was pointing it at someone else. But my understanding from the behavioral modification sheet and from talking with the our son,is that he was not even pointing his dangerous "weapon" at anyone else. I also understand the concern about him lying to his teacher...but shit, I imagine that I would have denied it too had I been in his shoes because I can only imagine the horrified look on his petite, proper little teacher's face when she saw my son standing there, probably pretending to defend our galaxy from attacking aliens with a weapon of minimal destruction. parents, we took the situation very seriously. After all, we dont want to become the parents of the next Columbine-like psycho. Sheesh, whats next--you never know--he could use his shoe for a machine gun or his back pack as a machete. We sat him down and explained to him that he cannot pretend anything is a gun at school. And as his punishment/discipline for the situation, he was not allowed to play video games for the evening. Which actually turned out to be a pretty damn productive evening for him. We cleaned his room. He is now actually able to use the desk in his room and he set up his own little craft/art area at his desk and he spent probably around an hour making things by himself--a major miracle.

Current event--this is probably one of my new favorite stories. The lady that sat on her toilet seat for two years. The toilet seat had to be removed from her body at the hospital. I have so many questions that will probably never get answered. Did she clean her body? Was there another toilet in the house that her boyfriend could use? Did she have any other family members or friends who wondered what she was up to lately? Did she have a lot of reading material in there? My ass gets sore sitting on the toilet for half an sore was her ass?? Did anyone get any pictures?

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Darwin Award Runner up

Today I encountered one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. A woman had a hysterectomy, a full hysterectomy. She goes home from surgery. Proceeds to have sex on day 3, day 8, day 11, and day 13 of recovery. Now I can not imagine having sex for severalmonths after a complete hysterectomy. It took me a couple weeks to have sex after I got my tonsils out and that is no where near my vagina. She ended up with a horrible infection and was in the hospital for two weeks straight, "I almost died" she says...then at the end of our conversation she admitted to having codependency issues and a sex addition. No shit, Sherlock...

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Lunch at the Cuckoo's Nest

You know your family is fucked up when you work in the human service field and the most stressful part of your day was having lunch with your own family members.

My dad loaned me his laptop while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy. He wanted to pick it up and have lunch at the same time on Tuesday. Unfortunately, as I have mentioned before my sister lives in the same town that I do. My “crazy Dad calls me last week and says “Your mother made me call your sister and invite her to lunch too”. I thought “OK, its just lunch, how bad could it be?”

It was two worlds of dysfunction in my life colliding at once—and exploding in slow motion. Dad had told me before that he had some stuff he wanted to talk about. I thought after he invited my sister he wouldn’t approach topics of any depth. You can’t have a coherent conversation with my sister. It is literally impossible. It becomes free association of what ever you are talking about with whatever physical ailment it reminds my sister of—like if you mention a food, she has to tell you how sick it makes her or how allergic she is to it.

We met at local café here in town—one of dad’s favorite places to eat. We get a booth. One of the first statements out of dad’s mouth is “how come three out of four of my children are in therapy?” It all goes down hill from there. My sister doesn’t remember that our brother was in therapy in for depression...she immediately asks why our other brother, the sanest of all of us is in counseling. I have to tell he is not. She launches into how she is at least not on any kind of psychological medications like me or our brother. I say “why would it be so bad if you were on them?” She says “ I can’t be on them. They make my tremors too bad”. Apparently they interact with the myriad of other medications she is on for her tremors, fibromailgia , bone spurs, allergies, high cholesterol, asthma, migraines, and number of other ailments I don’t remember.

Then dad decides to touch on what I think is the worst possible topic to touch in the presence of my sister—his codependent, fucked up relationship with our mother. I think it was some sort of attempt to see if she could possibly be another ally for him. He says “A couple of weeks ago your mother said to me, if it came down to me or the house, she would take the house”, indicating that she would be more than willing to tell dad to get out if she had to. Dad had never discussed anything like this in front of my sister. She looked dumb founded. She went into some sort of spiel about how when she was living at home yet, mom would go into her room on Friday night after work and not come out again until Sunday night”. She thought it was because of the pain from mom’s fibroid tumor that “they did not have the $10.000 to pay for the surgery to remove”. Dad had no memory of this and believes that this may be another psychotic memory created by sister. The tumor was real—but he doubts Mom spent the whole weekend in her room. I could go either way on this one.

I am not even sure how we got to the next topic…could have been anything with my sister present. My sister and her husband tend to “see ghosts”. Now I would be less skeptical if it was just at their current residence but everywhere they live, there is some sort of apparition that appears. Usually several. She went into an elaborate description of a little girl ghost that lives in her current residence. Somehow, my sister knows the entire name of this thing-Pauline something Lemckee. And that this was the neighbors daughter and she died like 40 years ago. And that the people that use to live in her house didn’t have any children so they liked to have her come visit. And there is some adult male ghost that comes over to call Pauline back home and he is really mean and he has to be her father. And that Pauline was pushed down the stairs in the basement of her home and broke her neck. I asked her if she did some sort of research on this, if that is how she knows all of this detailed information. She says “no” she just knows. WHAT THE FUCK!! She says that she has had a repair guy that won’t come to the house without her there because he has seen her to. She says that she has seen our grandmother who died almost two years ago from the knees up doing dishes at her kitchen sink. I say “why don’t I get to see grandma”.

Then my dad mentions that my mom doesn’t want to stay at my sisters house—he thinks that mom already told my sister this. My sister has no clue of what he is talking about and at that second dad realizes he messed up and says he cant tell us why—because mom wouldn’t want him to. Then, of course, I really want to know. My sister swears she will never tell mom. So Dad tells us that when they were staying at her house after my sister’s gall bladder surgery and mom was sleeping on the couch and mom felt someone/something pick her up by her feet and drop her back on the couch. He said that mom was really freaked out by this—more scared than he has ever seen her before. Mom doesn’t want anyone to know about this because she doesn’t want anyone to think she is crazy—can’t say that I blame her either. I have no idea of what to do with that information.

So about 50 minutes into lunch, I'm ready to go back to work. Work was easy compared to lunch—the unfortunate thing is that I had a long day ahead of me. We go to leave and my sister says “I hope you don’t think I am crazy” and I say “not any more than usual”.

Dad calls me after getting into his car to debrief. He says “How does she survive? I cant believe I fathered that child! She is going to end up institutionalized”.

I get back to the office and my coworker asks how lunch was with my dad. I say “as fucked up as usual”.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


A week ago today, I had my tonsils removed. What a long, strange week it has been. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions, pain, appreciation of my loved ones, and amazingly enough, some kind of sick learning experience, a crazy gift thrown at me by the cosmos. What the hell.

It started out last Monday, with my husband, R and I heading out to the Surgery Center without checking my phone messages before hand. We get there, and the receptionist tells us that the doctor is snowed in in Kansas City and that they had left me a message that morning on my cell. She was right--I had no idea this could even happen. There I am, totally as prepared as I thought I could be for this procedure. We went out the night before to Red Lobster for a great "Last Supper"--I had a fridge stocked up with after surgery food, jello, pudding, yogurt, ice cream. I was caught up with laundry. Had an awesome presurgery Girls' Night with Depressionista. The receptionist might as well as just went ahead and punched me in the gut. The most appropriate thing about that moment is that I was wearing my "grumpy pants" Depressionista gave me for my birthday while I was balling and feeling pretty certain that this whole thing had been discussed at the last "World Against Lil'Cherie" meeting. I took two weeks off from what do we do? Luckily, they were able to figure out within a couple of hours that they could get me scheduled for the next day, if the doc could get back from I was really trying to not get to set on the idea since he was still not back that afternoon!

Luckily, we woke up the next morning and I checked my messages--no messages. We headed back to the Surgery Center and we were good to go! Doc was running a little late...I imagine trying to get caught up as an ENT after being gone an entire day is a challenge. But he was so sweet...He said he was sorry for "ruining my life the day before". The surgery went off without a hitch. I came out of the anasthesia without as much difficulty as usual...kind of a like a happy drunk as opposed the usual suicidal bartituate addict. They gave me liquid Loratab and liquid antibiotics for drugs. I initially thought thiere is no way I will take all of those pain killers....I believe one bottle is 473 this point I have taken almost two full bottles of liquid loratab...I am gradually trying to lower the dose.

I have to say most of the warnings/horror stories you hear about having your tonils out as an adult are true to extent. It has been week and I am still primarily on a diet of pudding, yogurt, jello, water, gatorade and anything that does not cause an immediate, very intense burning sensation in my throat. I find that it takes me a long time to eat anything. It is really making a change in my eating habits and at the same time making me realize that I don't need to eat as much food as I was before my surgery. In fact, I feel a bit nauseous thinking about eating that much. One down side to that is that until today, I had not taken a shit since last Sunday--over a week and two days ago. Now, I am use to being atleast a daily shitter. I have to say that I was pretty damn excited when I pooped today...probably as excited as Depressionista is when her Bubba shits in the potty without throwing a fit--which I was pretty close to doing myself. All it took was me going to Walgreens and just buying the laxitives....I didn't even get a chance to take them.

I have also decided to try to quit smoking at the same time. And atleast at this point, it has been pretty darn easy. I started taking Chantix--which is not covered by my insurance I might add and is a heafty $133--but that is whole nother blog entry. The thought smoking now is painful in using an electric sander on my throat. So I have not had a cigarette since last Monday. Over a week. I think I have gotten through the three day hump. Now the challenge will be going back to work and hanging with Depressionista...if anyone has any healthy alternatives I would love some ideas!

Just like my birthday, I have been truly impressed with the support I have gotten from my friends and familly! Depressionista has been absolutley wonderful. She made the guys several meals to eat. She took the D-Boy on Saturday night so that R and I could have a break and she really seemed to enjoy it. She has just been awesome. My work spouse brought me over a present flowers and is taking a day off of work this week to hang with me. My dad came out yesterday and spent the day with me and left me his lap I have been watching netflix movies and surfing while I am off. I go back to work next Monday.


Monday, January 28, 2008

My 37th Birthday

I had a great birthday this year. In all realms, it really was one of the best. My actual b-day day was a week ago Sunday, Jan 20th. I had Depressionista and Pioneer Girl over. We started the evening off at Michael's Craft store. They were having 40% off sticker sale! We went nuts. Depresisonista had a gift card. We bought stuff to decorate bird houses later in the evening. Then we went to Biaggis for a fine dining experience. I should back track a moment. Depressionista brought some cakes for my birthday of her own creation--something we had discussed before but she made it a reality...Afro-American Vulva Cake--to say it in the most politcally correct manner. You can only imagine what we really call this cake and you can email me if you want the real, official title for this. Anyway, its a chocolate cake, with the top cut out and layered up a bit with some sort of red fruit filling and whip cream in the middle and the most delicious fudge frosting....she brought two, one raspberry and one cherry. So anyway--we were telling our poor cute young male waiter, Bartholomew (spelling??) about the cake we had at home and went into some detail. He said "I gotta go back into the kitchen and throw up now!!" It was a yummy dinner!

Then we went to Barnes and Noble for s0me uninterrupted time at the book store! Followed by our regular junk food run to Walgreens!

Then we came back to my place and hung out. And I got my presents! They all were awesome!! Pioneer girl gave me a home made apron--50's style done in pink and black skull pattern with LilCherie monogrammed on it--I absolutely love it. She also gave me a charm bracelet, flamingo kleenex pack for my purse and funny cartoon notepads. This year Depressionista really outdid herself. I don't know if I will get everything written down but Depressionista went through our Snickle Snackle chronicles and found several ideas that we had written down previously and made them realities--she made me a pair of Grumpy Pants, my "fat american woman with period" t-shirt, my "this is art!" stickers that I can put next to my collages, the Thomas Kincade Crack House post card, and other things that are just too personal post. I have to say that I loved everything I got...And I was so impressed with how much energy both Pioneer Girl and Depressionista put into my birthday!! You guys are the best! I LOVE YOU BOTH!!

I had myB-day family visit yesterday....which was great--but I don't have enough energy to post that as that will have to be another day.