A Light Bulb Moment....

as Oprah would say. I tend to have moments of inspiration regarding my health and/or psychological well being. Sometimes, they stick around for awhile. Sometimes, they are like ships passing in the night. My thought earlier this week was regarding my physical health/weight.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It has never come naturally for me to be a thin person. I have always been envious of those people that were born thin and seem to not have to do a damn thing to stay that way. I have had a "thinner" moment here or there. The last time I really think of myself having one of those was about eleven years ago, shortly after I met my husband. I managed to get down to about 147. This was a struggle. It lasted for maybe about 2-3 years--and that was probably at more of about 160. Shortly after my son, I ballooned up to 225 which is a lot for someone who is 5'2" on a good day. Now I am hanging out at about 203.

My brilliant thought was really quite simple and also made me think, "sheesh, why has that thought never crossed my mind before?". The thought was "I should only eat food that is nutritious for me, that is good for my body". Food that will give my body nutrients. So this week I have really put the focus on trying to eat "healthy". I am on day 2 of "Project Eat Nutritious." I have been noticing this week just how much crap I usually eat. I eat because things taste good, because there is food there and I think I don't want to waste it, because I am tired, because it just feels darn good to eat....Rarely, have I ever eaten before to take proper care of my body, to give it what it needs. What I am noticing is that I almost feel like I am going through some sort of withdrawals, since I am not eating nearly as much sugar or carbs. I have been focusing on eating more vegetables, fruits and meats. I also have not been drinking pop. I have been primarily drinking water. My rationale is that I tend to take better care of myself when I look at it from the perspective of adding things to my life instead of taking away things. Instead of telling myself what I should not eat or can't eat, I try to focus on the good things I can add. Don't get me wrong. I am not going to completely deprive myself. That only leads me to a serious binge. So when I get an urge to eat something "not good for my body" I am going to try to do it but in moderation.

I am trying to look at this as any addict would. One day at a time. I am not making any promises one way or another. I just really feel the need to work on getting healthier, with the side benefit of not being so damn fat...and maybe getting to go shopping for some cute clothes, since the cutest clothes seem to be made for skinny girls (thats a whole different blog entry). And I want to be able to run around with my son and not have to catch my breath. I don't want to become a mother that parents from the couch, damn it--and I have caught myself doing that on many occasion.

This is going to be a battle. It took me roughly 35 years to get my eating habits this screwed up. Hopefully, it won't take quite that long to get them at least a little healthier consistently. I have to say that I do feel better about myself when I am doing something about it.