Sailing the Bad Luck Sea....

...I feel like that is the best summary for my week. I say that because nothing absolutely horrendous has happened...just some extremely annoying, time consuming things. Like I am "sailing", not "drowning" or "flailing" or "hanging on for dear life".

Wednesday, Nathan, a very nice man from my bank calls me to inform me that "there has been several suspicious transactions on my bank account". Roughly, $1022 worth of "suspicious transactions" that occurred in Italy. Unfortunately, I have been right here in my little old town in the middle of the USA. Somehow, someone counterfeited by ATM card and used it in is several machines in Italy. I got to see a printout with the successful attempts and the unsuccessful ones as well. Four three days, instead of working an honest job, some some sap was surviving off of me. This person withdrew about $255 dollars a day...the max that he/she could. (Somehow, I want to assume its a man, who knows) For three days... he got a little more the fourth day. I am just so happy that Nathan noticed this. I am sure it became a bit more apparent when this made my checking account go about $400 in the hole. So far I am the only person in the real world that I have known this to happen to...what are the fucking chances of that anyway? Luckily, this is one of the reasons that banks have insurance and they charge all of those annoying fees for thing...they were able to reimburse my account with the entire amount. Now I just have to do a credit record check to assure they stole nothing else of my identity and go from there....fucking scary...

Then today, I took my son in to have his hearing retested. Before we got there, I was feeling like it may not go the best. Since I have really had to yell his name to get his attention. At first I thought he just wasn't listening to me. It turns out he has fluid behind his eardrums. He "has the most hearing loss he can have due to fluid in his ears". He hasn't complained of sore ears. He has had a bit of a runny nose due to allergies. Well, that makes a mom feel like shit...I was thinking he just wasn't paying attention to me...I didn't think there could be a physiological reason for him to not respond to me...I was just assuming it was open defiance...luckily, all I did was say his name a bit louder when I was frustrated. So tomorrow we have an appointment with the family doctor to see where we go from here. Tubes may be in his future. But I am hoping we can get by with some allergy treatments.

What really started my week off was a call from my crazy sister. I am not in the mood to go into great detail at this time....lets just say my 31 year old sister called me to ask me if she should go on disability because "her body is falling apart". She was crying...she didn't know what to do. She hurt her back the day before at work. She sees thirteen different doctors. She is on so many medications, etc. etc. I could and probably will do an entire entry on the impact of having an insane sibling...

...but for now I will continue my voyage on "The Sea of Bad Luck"....

"Hey, Let me see your tits!"

Well, I survived the wedding. It was quite the array of events and emotions.
Let me give you some of the hilights of the weekend.

• Friday was the rehearsal followed by the rehearsal dinner. Nothing to noteworthy other than my child was at the top of his game. He hit it off with the little flower girl right away and they were so cute walking down the aisle together. And it did not require any bribery.
• Saturday, the big day. We all had to be be ready for pictures by 2:30 and of course the wedding wasn't until 5pm. Getting a four-year-old into a tux is challenge enough in itself, let alone trying to get him to wear it for two hours before the wedding and have him still be in a good mood. He was very quickly reaching meltdown point. And it seemed everytime that he left the sanctuary during pictures and was in the bathroom they were wanting him for another round of pictures.
• The actual ceremony. A comedy of errors. Nothing too serious. The Bride knocked over a candleabra, a lit, one while walking down the aisle. An usher saved the day by grabbing it. The Bride tripped and almost fell over the alter.
  
• My son of course was on the verge of having a serious meltdown. We somehow force him to walk down the aisle. He stands there briefly. Comes back to sit next to us. And within about 5 minutes of sitting down he is out cold and sleeps through the entire ceremony.
  
• In the middle of all of this my husband, who is suppose to be filming the wedding has set up his camera at the front of the church, focusing it on the aisle. He is getting all freaked out because he is not focusing on anything else. He sneaks up and manages to get about 5 minutes of the end of the wedding focused on the bride and groom themselves.
• The reception. We drive out to the bar in a very small town where the bar is. My husband takes a look at the building and says "is this the delapidated building we are having this in?" I say "hell, yeah". The front room is a bar and the back is a reception hall. Myself and both of my brothers are "closet smokers" to the rest of the family. Of course my parents are there as well. So both of my brothers and myself spend time sneaking smokes in the front of the bar with "look-outs" making sure that they dont come out and catch us. How pathetic is that. There is some bumping and grinding on the dance floor while my parents are there but they manage to survive and leave around 10pmish.
• That is when the real party begins. My younger brother, the one not getting married, requests "I wanna fuck you like an animal" by Nine Inch Nails and sings over the top of it.
  
• My brothers and myself smoke freely in the bar. thank the gods!
• I am sitting next to the bride's sister and her husband sits down next to us. Keep in mind I have not had any real interaction with this guy and I am not really sure that he is aware that I am the sister of the man that married his wife's sister. He is drunk off of his ass. I am wearing my homemade dress, showing off a fair amount of cleavage, feeling pretty good about myself. He looks at me and repeatedly says to me, "Let me see your tits", everyonce in awhile asking his wife if this is ok, and she is so drunk that she says "sure". There are real mixed feelings that go along with some guy asking you if he can see your tits. For a few moments I actually felt attractive, like "hey, I havent had anyone ask to see my tits in a long time" (or maybe ever really). The part of me was totally repulsed and felt like some kind of object. And yet another part of me felt sorry for this pathetic bastard. So finally, I turn to Depressionista and say, "this guy is asking to see my tits, lets go back into the reception hall". I kept thinking "he has to give this up soon" but after about the 7th or 8th time he asked I gave up hope. The funny thing is the next day this guy and his wife (bride's sister) had to come over to my parents' house because the bride and groom were coming over to open gifts. They come in and they are totally standoffish, like he realized who I was and just what an ass he made of himself. Of course, I also took it upon myself to tell this incident to my brother..how could I not!? And he told his new wife...oh, the beauty of natural consequences. I didnt have to do a thing to show what an ass this guy is...it took care of itself...the beauty.
• wow, what a wild ride...Overall, it was a good time. I got to see the girls from the bachelorrette party, Depressionista, and party with my brothers...
  
  

Oh, the Life of Domestic Goddess...

I realized today that it is has been over a month since I have posted anything...not that there really has been anything that exciting to post about but I hate to let my readers down!:)

So let me just share some of accomplishments and quips of the past weeks.

• My brother is getting married this weekend--and even to a woman that I am welcoming with open arms into my family...A normal, nice, intelligent woman...I am appreciative of this because there are not many of those in my family already! Someone that does not go on and on about her health issues, interrupt discussions with inane comments regarding how cute her husbands' ears are. Someone who I can truly have a good time with.
• Two weeks ago, I went to my future sister-in-laws bachelorette party. Ok, I love her dearly but her choices in bars frightens me. First of all, I am utterly amazed at how many people you can pack into a bar--and then expect them to dance--and that people find this to be enjoyable in anyway. I went with Depressionista--the poor, poor girl...she got through with the help of her anti-anxiety medication and a few drinks. We both realized how old we were...and I felt very naughty when I noticed how cute some of the guys were and that I am old enough to be their mother....When did that happen!
• I also felt naughty when Depressionista and I stopped at the adult store on the way to the bachelorette part. It was a pretty nice one along I-80--every vibrator one could imagine. I thought I was being tame and tasteful buying the future bride a small vibrator in purple--one of her wedding colors. I gave it to her at the party--you would think that I gave her a 36 inch dildo with veins, etc. She was shocked. And I was shocked that I was the only one that bought her something naughty...what is it with kids these days?? They could have gone hog wild with that. And the other girls at the party said that my future sister-in-law was saying she was going to be embarrassed seeing a stripper if I was with...sheesh, she has a few things to learn about me yet, huh!?
• I finished making my dress for the wedding...and it fits. I think it looks ok...maybe I will do something wild like put a picture up here after the wedding. I also made a matching purse, and a tie for my husband....that's enough to about make one vomit...but I just couldn't stop once I got started.
• I also managed to make the earrings that go with the necklace functional again. I picked the fabric for the dress for the wedding to go with a jewelry set from my grandma. (Grandma is going to be at the wedding as well...her mind is so bad that she probably wont remember me let alone her jewelry--sad, but I feel like it is a nice tribute to her) I cut the clip-on portion off of the back of the earring and attached a post with a jumpring. Now they look like a delightful dangling earring set...score!!
• My son is going to be the ring bearer in this wedding...he is going to be so damn cute in that tux....hopefully he will willingly walk down the aisle and I wont have to buy an entire Hot Wheels collection for him.
• The gardening season is in full swing...not exciting to many people, but it makes me feel better!

So I am sure that after this weekend I will have much more to say...including how wonderful the wedding was and how if I had to spend anymore moments with my family I would have to shoot myself in the head!